On Running
This morning I woke up with last nights worries still on my mind. What's the point in sleeping if you wake up with that same old feeling. For a change, the sky was clear and the sun was out though the weather forecast called for rain. No one knows. I made some coffee, sat down to look at emails, FB, the news online, anything, something to pull me out of my head and into the new day but yesterday's ghosts are stubborn companions. I kept glancing out the window until a feeling of urgency seized my body. I have to go, get out and run... But my running clothes are still in the dryer, wet from yesterday... where are my shoes?
My shoes were dry and by the door so in what I was wearing, white corduroys and a red windbreaker, I went out the door, running...
Nothing feels better to me these days. It's the only time my body and brain seem to be working together. It only took a few minutes to realize I'd overdressed but I didn't stop as I slipped off my jacket, tied it around my waist and kept on running...
Over the asphalt until it turns to gravel, past the neat german houses and the farms and fields of corn, across the bridge spanning the autobahn into the forest, where the air still glimmered with mist in the morning light. As the path gently bends, I cannot see around the corner, what the future holds, but it doesn't matter.
Body-Mind connection my ego isolated, slips of paper at her feet, letters of regret, unmet expectations, to find the will to let it all go, to feel today free of the weight, the wait.... Nothing else really matters. I have nothing else, none of us do, besides today.
I run for 3 miles before stopping to catch my breath. Looking down I notice my corduroys and can't help but smile. I bend down to pick up a twig, from a fir or a spruce, to admire the lichen laced around it, and the how the colors, saturated with rain, fill my eyes with wonder. My mind drifts on thoughts about fallen trees, time and space, symbiosis, friendship. I put the branch down and keep on running, across the damp earth, that gives a little, welcoming and returning a little bounce of energy, a burst of dew arches at my heels and it feels like I'm getting closer to something...
It's raining now. I'm glad to be inside. My legs are tired but not sore. The arch of my left foot, the cramp in my right upper calf, old friends now, call to mind my vulnerable, resilient, sensitive, strong, human body. All our bodies with grace carrying us through the days, sunlit and golden, or to the bone cold, wet hair loose with rain running down our backs when inside it's like a miracle, a fire, burns.
As long as I can I will keep on running.